


Learn To Move On

by queenofdeansbooty



Category: Supernatural
Genre: Angst, Explicit Language, F/M, Fluff
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-06-04
Updated: 2018-06-04
Packaged: 2019-05-18 02:56:17
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,788
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/14844309
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/queenofdeansbooty/pseuds/queenofdeansbooty
Summary: After being dead for a year, you realize you’ve been given a chance at life and you don’t want to spend it hunting.After failing to find Sam and Dean, you make your own life and live it without them. What happens when they finally find you?





	Learn To Move On

You took your first breath in a year. Your head reached the surface as you took in your first big breath. You crawled out of your own coffin and scratched your way through the layers of dirt. You heaved yourself above ground and covered your eyes from the glaring sun from above. You coughed and fell to the ground, wondering why this was happening to you.

You remember dying. You remember your neck being snapped by a demon. You were stupid enough to take on that hunt alone without Sam or Dean but you did it anyway and it cost you your life. You don’t remember much after that but now here you were, alive and breathing. You didn’t know what brought you back and why. You hoped that Sam or Dean didn’t give up their life for you. You wouldn’t be able to live with yourself if they did.

You got up and shaky legs and brushed the dirt out of your hair and clothes. You looked around the empty field and wondered why you weren’t burned but buried in a field. You began walking down the road, knowing you would hit civilization sooner or later. Immediately, your mind thought to the Winchesters and what they might be doing this very moment. You didn’t know how long you had been gone but you hoped they were still alive. You didn’t know what to do or say to them when or if you found them. But you knew one thing for certain…

… you were not hunting anymore.

Whoever or whatever brought you back did it for a reason and you weren’t going to waste this second life. Being a hunter was sometimes a good thing. You got to help people and save lives but it also came with a really big price. Death and pain followed you wherever you went and you realized you didn’t want that anymore. You wanted a normal life with a family and a normal job. That’s what you always wanted even when you told yourself you didn’t.

Truth be told, you were forced into hunting. Not by your family or friends but  _because_  of them. They all died mysteriously and that made you start digging and asking questions you didn’t need to know. You met Sam and Dean along the way and started hunting with them when they realized that you had nothing left to go back to. Over the years, you’ve gotten quite close to Dean but you never acted on your feelings for him. You didn’t want to mess up anything between you two. Hunting and relationships were never a good combination and you wouldn’t have forgiven yourself if Dean died because of you. You wouldn’t be able to live with yourself.

Sam constantly told you that Dean liked you because he knew of your feelings for him and of Dean’s feelings for you but he never meddled. It would happen if the two of you wanted it to.

But it never did and you didn’t think it ever would be.

As you walked, you could see a rundown gas station up ahead. You smiled and ran the rest of the way. It was broken down and vacant but you went in nonetheless. You prayed that the fridges were working even though you knew they probably wouldn’t be. They weren’t working but the water was still water. You opened the fridge up and grabbed a water bottle, downing it quickly. You grabbed another bottle and did the same thing.

You sighed and grabbed a plastic bag to carry stuff with you when you left. You packed it with some water and grabbed chips and other snacks that didn’t perish. You checked all the expiration dates and frowned when you saw it was a different year. You grabbed a magazine and looked at the date. It was 2018. You knew you died in 2017.

Sighing, you filled the bag up with food and water. You walked to the cash register and forcibly opened the cash register. There wasn’t much in there but you took everything, including coins. You noticed a pay phone outside and were going to use it to call Sam and Dean. After getting everything, you walked to the payphone and dialed their number. Dean’s was disconnected and Sam wasn’t picking up. You sighed and grabbed the phone book, looking for the first motel. It was a thing you and the brothers came up with if you three were ever lost. You would find the first motel and go there and wait for the rest to find you.

When you got the address, you left the gas station and continued walking. It only took you a few hours but you finally made it to civilization. You had the money from the gas station and walked to the bus station nearby. You paid for a ticket to the town the motel was in and waited for the bus. You couldn’t want to see Sam and Dean after so long.

* * *

When you got to the motel, you looked around for Dean’s car but didn’t find it. You frowned and walked to the main office, seeing a young woman standing behind the counter.

“Hi, how can I help you?” She smiled.

“Hi, did you happen to see two tall men around here? One with long hair and the other with spiky hair? Green eyes and hazel eyes?” You bit your lip.

“Uh, no. You’re the first one that’s been around here in the last 7 hours. Did you want to call someone?”

“Yeah, please, if you don’t mind.” She nodded and handed you the office phone. You dialed Sam’s number but he wasn’t picking up. You sighed and hung up. You smiled at the woman before backing up.

“Thank you for letting me use your phone.” You turned around and left the office before she could say anything. You sighed and got tears, wishing you could be with Sam and Dean right now. You had no money, no idea what you were going to do. No weapons to hunt and no place to stay. You were starting at the bottom and you didn’t like it at all. You were on your own now.

* * *

“Hey, did you find anything yet?” Dean asked, his feet on the war table while his brother was looking for a new case.

“Actually yeah. A woman stabbed herself completely out of the blue yesterday. Her family and friends say that nothing was wrong with her until that moment. Then just a few hours ago, a man shot himself in the head randomly.”

“So, what, is it a cursed object? Witches?”

“I don’t know but we better go and figure it out.” Sam closed the laptop and Dean got up. They went to their rooms and started to pack. Dean walked into his closet and started to take clothes out when his eye spotted the memory box he kept of you. He sighed and looked down before taking it down from the shelf. He leaned against the wall and opened it, pictures of the two of you staring at him.

He loved you so much and he never got the chance to tell you before you died. He tried everything to get you back but no demon would make a deal with him since they didn’t want his soul anymore. They didn’t want Sam’s and if no demon wasn’t willing to make a deal, he didn’t know how to get you back. You were the only woman he ever loved and you slipped out of his fingers just like that. You died 4 years ago and it was still fresh in his mind when he found you with a broken neck. He couldn’t bear to burn you so he buried you where no one would find you.

He missed you so goddamn much. He sighed deeply and heard his brother knock on his door.

“You ready?”

“Yeah, just give me a few minutes.”

“Okay, I’ll start the car.” Sam left. Dean put the box back and he grabbed some clothes before filling his duffel bag. He met Sam at the car and got behind the wheel, leaving the garage. The drive there didn’t take as long as he thought it would be and pulled into the motel soon enough.

“I miss her too, you know,” Sam said when Dean didn’t get out of the car.

“Yeah,” Dean whispered before getting out. He just wanted to get this case over with as soon as possible so he could go back home and watch videos of you. He knew it was pathetic but he couldn’t let you go, even after death.

* * *

4 years after you rose from the dead, you spent 2 years homeless, bouncing from homeless shelter to homeless shelter. It wasn’t easy but you made friends, got on your feet, got a job and actually fell in love. You didn’t think it was possible to have a life after hunting but you did it. You were a nurse at the local hospital because you still wanted to help people but you vowed never to hunt again. It was too risky and after every search to find the Winchesters failed, you moved on.

It wasn’t easy but you managed to do it. You hoped to see them as they hunted but you never did. So, instead of dwelling on the past, you decided to focus on your future. After getting on your feet, you managed to rent a small apartment alone and you loved it. You loved everything about your life. It sucked that you didn’t have anything materialistic of Sam and Dean but you had them in your memories and often dreamed of them. Your memories were the only thing that tied you to your past.

You usually had 12 or 13 hours shifts at the hospital that started at 3 or 4 in the morning. Which is why you were on your 4th cup of coffee 6 hours into your shift. Coffee became your new best friend nowadays.

“Hey, have you heard of the new body that just came in?” One of your nurse friends said to you.

“Wait another body came in? Why are people killing themselves here? It’s so random.” You said but the inner hunter thought of a monster but you weren’t a hunter anymore. You didn’t have weapons or anything to hunt with so you just had to play dumb.

“Yeah, it’s sad. Oh, I have to go.” She said after looking at her pager. You nodded and watched her leave. You decided to go down to the morgue to find out what was going on. Just because you couldn’t hunt, doesn’t mean you shouldn’t know everything. You quickly made your way to the morgue and slipped in. Putting on gloves, you walked to where the bodies were and saw the most recent one. You pulled back the sheet and saw the holes on the man’s head where he shot himself. After searching his body for anything suspicious, you didn’t find anything useful.

Your pager beeped and you sighed, putting the sheet back over his head before throwing your gloves away. You left the morgue and tried to think of why people were randomly killing themselves. Cursed object, maybe. Maybe a witch but you couldn’t be certain without outside help. You walked to where they needed you and got back to work.

* * *

Sam and Dean walked into the hospital dressed in Fed clothes before walking up to the main desk.

“How can I help you, gentlemen?” The nurse asked. They flashed her their badges before putting them away.

“Can we talk to your medical examiner, please?” Sam asked with a smile. She nodded and looked at her computer, typing a few things in.

“Of course, follow me.” She got up and Sam and Dean followed her.

“My money is still on cursed object,” Dean whispered to his brother.

“If it is, how did it get across town? The woman and the man have nothing in common.” Sam whispered back.

“I don’t know…” Dean trailed off when his eyes landed on someone behind Sam’s back. His eyes went wide and he stopped walking.

“What’s wrong?” Sam asked, looking at what Dean was looking at. His eyes went wide when both brothers saw you talking with one of your friends. You smiled and nodded, speaking with one of the other nurses. That was you, no doubt but the brothers didn’t have any idea what you would be doing here. None of them could bring you back so the only thing Dean could think of was a shapeshifter. Why the shifter looked like you, he had no idea.

“Agents?” The nurse brought them out of their trance. “You okay?”

“Um, sorry to take up your time but we have to be somewhere else right now. We’ll come back later to speak with the medical examiner.” Sam said and she nodded, walking back to the main desk.

“How is this possible?” Dean whispered, his eyes never left you.

“Dean, that has to be a shifter. She’s dead.” Sam whispered.

“I don’t know. Come on,” He said when he saw you walking away. “We still have our silver knives, right?”

“Yeah,” Sam walked with his brother, following you out of the hospital. You were on your second break of the day and decided to run around the corner and grab something light to eat. You walked to your car and as you approached it, your eyes widened when you saw who was following you. You saw Sam and Dean in the reflection in your car. You turned around but Dean slammed you against your car.

“Dean!” You yelled out and he produced his silver knife, not letting it touch you.

“Why the hell are you here? What did you do to those other people?” Dean demanded to know. You were confused as to what he was talking about and you looked at Sam who had a hard look on his face. You were so out of practice but before everything, you would have knocked him on his ass in a second. Working at a hospital as a nurse limited your free time and you hadn’t practice your fighting skills. You were a badass hunter before you died.

“Sam! Dean! It’s really me!” You panicked when you saw the knife getting closer.

“You guys always lie. Why do you look like her? She died 4 years ago!” Dean yelled in your face. The blade touched your neck but your skin didn’t sizzle. Dean looked confused and he looked at his brother who saw the same thing Dean did. The knife didn’t harm you.

“Please, it’s me. I don’t know how I’m alive but I am. Please believe me.” You pleaded and Dean let you go slowly.

“Maybe she’s a demon,” Sam whispered to his brother. You rolled your eyes and huffed.

“I’m not a damn demon. There is no way I’d become one of those cock blockers.” You spat out. Before you died, you always called demons cock blockers because that’s what they were.

“I think it’s her,” Sam whispered. Dean couldn’t take your eyes off you. You saw a number of emotions flash through Dean’s face. Confusion, anger, then hurt. He was hurt and you understood why.

“What the hell!” Dean yelled.

“Dean, please.”

“How the fuck are you alive? We saw your cold, dead body! I buried you!” Dean yelled at you.

“I don’t know! I don’t know how I’m alive! I thought the two of you were behind this but based on your reactions, you probably didn’t.”

“We tried for four fucking years to get you back but nothing worked.” Dean glared at you.

“You’ve been alive for four years and you hadn’t once tried to call us?” Sam asked, getting angry.

“Don’t put that on me! I tried! I woke up in a coffin! I crawled out of it and the first thing I thought of was you two. The first people I try calling is you two! Your number was disconnected, Dean and you weren’t picking up, Sam! I looked at the phone book and went to the first motel because that’s what we came up with! You weren’t there! I didn’t know what else to do!” You yelled back.

“Fuck!” Dean yelled and put his hands on his head.

“So, you’re a nurse now? Just thought you could come back to life and make yourself a life? There was more you could do. You know where the Bunker is. You could have gone there. You knew we would be there.” Sam said. You opened your mouth to say something back but stopped. He was right, you did know where the Bunker was. You could have gone to them at any time but you didn’t. You would have been a hunter if you have but you liked your life now.

“So, you die and come back to life and you live your life as if we don’t mean anything to you? As if  _I_  don’t mean anything to you?” Dean threw that at you. You got tears at his accusation. You were pretty sure Dean knew you loved him and you always knew deep down he loved you but you never told him. This hurt Dean more than Sam because you two loved each other.

“Dean that isn’t fair and you know it.” You let tears fall.

“Then why haven’t you come back to the Bunker?” He asked in a much calmer voice.

“I…” You closed your mouth because they wouldn’t like the answer.

“You what?” Sam asked you, hurt that you would just forget them.

“I don’t want to be a hunter anymore! I knew that if I went back, I would be a hunter again and I don’t want that. I built a life for myself here. I have an apartment and friends and a job. I got out.” You clenched your jaw.

“Then congratulations because we’re leaving. Don’t bother coming back. We don’t want you.” Dean spat at you and turned around and left.

“Dean!” You said, tears running down your cheeks. “Sam…”

“Look, he didn’t have to be that harsh but I agree with him.” He sighed and left your side. You let out a sob and leaned against your car. You watched the brothers get in their car. Dean looked at you and you made eye contact before he left the parking lot. This wasn’t how it was supposed to go. You found out they were alive and they cut you out of their life.

* * *

The rest of your shift distracted you from your problem but now that you were home, you couldn’t stop thinking of the brothers. You sat on your bed and cried for about an hour before you couldn’t cry no more. You dialed Sam’s number at least ten times and left over 6 voicemails but he wouldn’t pick up.

Over the span of two hours, you thought about your life and your previous life. You missed your old life because it had one thing your new life didn’t have: Sam and Dean. You realized that if you went back 4 years ago, you would have Dean in your life and hunting wouldn’t matter because he did. You didn’t know what to do anymore. You didn’t know if you could continue to live your life knowing that Sam and Dean were out there, hurting over what you didn’t do.

A knock on your door pulled you out of your thoughts. You got up and wiped your eyes before opening your door. You didn’t have a peephole which was dangerous but at this point, you didn’t care. Your heart stopped when you saw Sam and Dean standing there.

“Can we come in?” Sam asked in a gentle tone. You stared at him before looking at Dean. You nodded and moved back, letting them in. You didn’t care how they figured out where you lived. You were happy to see them. They walked inside and looked around before turning to you.

“I’m sorry…” You started to say but Dean cut you off.

“No, I’m sorry. You didn’t deserve that.” He sighed.

“I did. I should have gone to you the minute I ‘woke up’.” You sighed.

“No, if the situation were reversed, I would have done the same thing. You remember what I did when Sam fell into the pit. I went back to Lisa and quit hunting. Sam did the same thing when I went to Purgatory. I was too harsh to you and I’m sorry.”

“Dean, Sam, you were on my mind every single day. At first, I forgot about the Bunker but when I realized it was there and I knew you would be there, I was afraid. I thought you two had died or something bad happened to you and I would walk into something I couldn’t walk out of. I missed you two like crazy and I’m sorry.” You got tears, letting some fall. Sam and Dean looked at each other before Sam walked up to you. He brought you into a hug and you cried in his chest, wrapping your arms around his waist. He kissed the top of your head and sighed, holding you close. You pulled away and smiled up at him. You turned to Dean and held your hands out to him.

“Fuck that.” He said before walking to you. He cupped your face and brought your lips to his. You clutched his shirt tightly and kissed him back. You’ve waited for so long for this. He pulled you close and when you two needed oxygen, he pulled away but kept you in his arms.

“Please come back to us.” He whispered. You sighed and put your head on his chest.

“You don’t even have to hunt if that’s what you want. You can stay at the Bunker and help from there. We added a new person to the family and I think you would really like him. His name is Jack.” Sam said, hoping you would say yes. You pulled away and you looked into Dean’s eyes before looking at Sam. You already knew the answer to his question even before he asked it.

“Still have my things?” You bit your lip.

“Never threw them away,” Dean said, making you look into his eyes.

“Let me pack a bag and say goodbye to a few friends.” You said and they nodded. Dean leaned down and kissed you again, loving the feel of your lips. You were glad to be back with them even if you weren’t going to be hunting because you’ll be with Dean and that’s all that matters.


End file.
